Sometimes you have it, sometimes you don't

Monday and it's a new day. The weekend was a whirlwind of activity for me. - The kind you feel like you just depleted all your batteries... low batt! low batt!

Over the course of two days, I had a epiphany.

WORKSHOP

I went on a writing workshop last Saturday. I used to write when I was still single, won a writing contest and got some articles published in a local magazine.  Basically, I went into the workshop feeling pretty confident about myself. The workshop was held at POWERBOOKS, an local bookstore with amazing books. (I actually can spend half a day just browsing there). Day 1 went pretty well and we were assigned to write a PITCH.- essentially a proposal for a story that we would like to write and submit to a publication. I went home pretty secure about my ability to ace this.

BOWLING
That night, I had been "recruited" out of my retirement to play bowling for a team in the Filipino-Chinese Bowling Federation. (I used to be in the Philippine Junior team when I was younger). I was tired from the workshop and was dreading playing badly. I haven't played for over a year.I played two games earlier that week and SUCKED....

In the middle of the first game, I still wasn't getting my groove and was dreading the score I was churning out. I felt dread in the pit of my stomach when I looked up at the screen...Luckily, I finally scored strikes and finished pretty good (relief washed over me as I managed to salvage the game). What was surprising was that I scored better on the 2nd game-- and I don't mean just ANY score, it was a JAW DROPPING score... 276! (count how many strikes). It was the best score of my bowling career! --- and here I was thinking I lost my bowling ability....

WRITING AGAIN
So, in between the bowling, I managed to submit my pitch to the panel. I was feeling confident and good about the pitch I wrote. The next day, we presented our pitch. I sat on my seat, feeling quite certain my pitch was a sure winner. Then it started...

I sat there listening to the great pitch of my classmates, the way they wrote it and felt squeamish. I whipped out my iphone and reread the email pitch I sent. I suddenly had a "da da da dum" soundtrack playing in my head. OH NO! My stuff is crap! was the thought going through my head as I waited my turn.

You may have guessed...I didn't get a good critique. In analysis, I think the idea I pitched wasn't viable anyway. It was a learning experience for me- FOR... SURE.... I wrote a paragraph as a pitch but my classmates had more MEAT in theirs (and they wrote waaaaay more).
I could hear a big SPLAT as my writing just got wiped all over the bookstore floor. (you can add my ego too)  but I appreciate all the feedback. It will give me more incentives to improve my writing.

Epiphany: When you think you have it, you actually don't--- but when you think you don't have it....YOU ACTUALLY DO.